May 5

What I Learned When My Old Man Died

Filed under Blog, More Than Raw Foods by Frederic Patenaude

I just learned the terrible news that my dad passed away at the age of 63 in his apartment in Montreal.

It was from a heart attack. He’d never had one before.

I was just in Montreal a few days ago but I came back to Vancouver where I now live. I had just seen my dad on Sunday, and we had a great time as usual. It was a sort of tradition to get together on Sunday to go out for a breakfast/brunch at the restaurant.

We went to the same restaurant we usually go to, because the restaurant features a lot of healthy options, fruit and smoothies. That made me happy, although my dad generally chose either the Eggs Benedict or the French Crêpe with ham.

About 5 years ago, my dad collapsed in his apartment as he experienced a sudden blood pressure change.

He was okay then, and agreed to follow a diet of fruits and vegetables for a month, which seemed to completely put him back on his feet. He also gave up smoking and coffee.

However, just a few months after, my dad stopped the diet, and started smoking again. He’s always smoked since the age of 18, and although I tried many times to discourage him, he was never able to give up the habit.

He seemed to think that drinking red wine every day in generous quantities would keep his heart healthy. He distrusted doctors and I suspect it had been a while since he had a checkup.

When I saw my dad for the last time on Sunday, he seemed as happy and jovial as ever. Although it often crossed my mind that I should speak to him more about his health and how to take care of it, I had given up on it many years ago, when I realized that he was not the kind of person that could take that sort of advice.

He’s always been very happy to see what I do for a living, but never read any of my books or fully understood what I teach about health. I was happy that he accepted it and never tried to encourage me to eat meat, or asked me where I got my protein, and that sort of thing.

I’m kind of shocked that my dad passed away so quickly and suddenly. I expected him to get sick first and maybe be in a hospital before he died.

I know I could have done so much more to convey to him the importance of quitting smoking, or taking care of his health. But you know sometimes you feel that certain people won’t change no matter what you try to say to them. That’s how I felt with my dad.

He always wanted to pass on in his sleep and without pain, and I thank God that his wish was granted.

I am reminded that we can never take anything for granted, and that health on the *inside* is so much more important than health on the *outside.* Someone may appear really healthy, but could be falling apart on the inside.

Although I regret not trying harder to keep my dad healthier longer, I know that it’s possible that nothing that I could have said or done would have changed his mind.

It’s fair to say that I feel stronger than ever that we must live our lives to the fullest and to live our dreams before it’s too late. I’m glad that my dad’s wish of leaving this world without too much pain and without seeing the slow decline of old age has been granted, but I also know that not everyone has the same fate.

I will take a bit of time off to visit my family but try nonetheless to keep writing and continuing my work.

I will probably not send ezines for a short while and will be a bit late in delivering the monthly Raw Vegan Mentor Club newsletter.

If you’d like to support me, do the right thing and introduce the message of health to someone you know. Maybe they would like some our our books on a healthy lifestyle at http://www.fredericpatenaude.com/blog/?page_id=1067.

We all know how hard it is to convince those closest to us that we know a lot about health and nutrition and can help them. But quite often it takes someone else’s advice, someone they don’t know, a perceived expert to get them to open up their mind and listen to the message.

If someone close to you is seeing his or her health decline, maybe just one thing you say one day can help them turn their lives around. Changing minds doesn’t always work, but it’s always worth a try. That’s what I would have done differently if I could have seen my dad one more time.

I know I could not have forced him to do anything, but maybe if we were a little more open about speaking of touchy subjects he may have seen it from my perspective and understood that I just wanted to keep him around for longer.

Sometimes the best way to help someone you care about is to lead by example and only offer advice when they ask, other times they need a little help and guidance from a notable source and want to learn on their own.

So please spread the message of healthful living to those around you by living a long and healthy life and those you hold most dear to you will appreciate your efforts and value your presence for years to come.

177 Responses to “What I Learned When My Old Man Died”

  1. Windlord says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family, Frederic. By all means, take all the time you need to grieve and heal.
    Peace

  2. Theresa says:

    Fred, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand about the “if only I could have helped them more” when we know how to help prolong and regenerate our loved ones’ lives. But it is about free will, and when we have tried before yet have gotten resistance because of their choices, the point is that we have already tried so we can let go of any guilt. The other positive point is that he did enact some of your recommendations, so you did help the quality of his life at that other time.

    Death is so hard to handle, so I really wish you and your family well.

  3. Vlada says:

    Well, Frederic, I usually don’t comment, but this post has touched me in many ways.

    First of all, I am so sorry about your Dad passing away so early. 63 is not an old age, and it seems like your Dad could have lived longer, however, like you said, he had a wish, and it was granted.

    I am actually quite amazed at the moment how I can relate to the situation with your Dad in many ways. My Dad is 64 this year, and he has a heart disease. He has been suffering from hypertension for many years. He smokes too, and he has been smoking since he was 7 (!) years old. He grew up at the orphan-age, and a lot of boys started smoking at that age there. Moreover, like your Dad, my Dad likes his eggs and meat too. He eats a lot of dairy, and believes it’s good for him.

    My Mom has been a vegetarian for over 30 years. She became vegan a few years ago, and now eats a low-fat vegan diet. Very high raw, lots of fruit, lots of greens, some cooked vegetables, and some cooked legumes, occasionally. My parents live in Russia, where the availability of fresh fruits and vegetables is not as great as in North America (or other countries like Australia, for instance). The variety is not that great either. Nonetheless, my Mom still manages to eat a very healthy diet, especially compared to my Dad’s.

    We so hoped that my Mom’s influence along with my input would help us to change my Dad’s diet for better. Unfortunately, it never worked. He wouldn’t change a thing. He wouldn’t even quit smoking! And just for the record, he is a very educated and well-rounded individual. He is a Professor at the University, teaches classes, authors books. He holds two Masters degrees and two PhDs! However, his mind is not open when diet and health is concerned. My Dad doesn’t question his views on nutrition and health in general, even though he had quite a few wake up calls already. Had to spend some time at the hospital, had to call ambulance many times, etc…

    The reason I am saying all this, is that I feel your pain, Frederic. And I would very much like to help my Dad to turn his life around before it’s too late. I would give a lot just to see him change even a little bit. I don’t want to see him gone at 64…

    However, the question remains: how do I approach this after my Dad being ignorant to what I say for so long? I am not asking you to answer this question for me. I guess, I am just pondering, and trying to look at it from the philosophical point of view…

    Once again, please accept my sincere condolences. May your Dad rest in peace. God bless his soul.

    Vlada

  4. Michele says:

    Fred, I am very sorry for your loss. Many people come to the raw vegan message for superficial reasons like weight loss and feel that raw vegans are judgemental, but what you just went through is THE #1 reason why this message is so important for people to hear. My mother, my husband’s mother and my step-father all passed away in their early 60′s and that is too young for someone to die.

    Right now, you are probably still in shock and it won’t hit you for awhile until one day you go to call your dad and you realize you can’t, or you have a friend whose dad is still alive and they do stuff together and you are reminded that you can’t, and other such triggers and this will serve as a reminder for you that your work is important to reach people with this message.

    The SAD diet kills, period. If it doesn’t kill, it cripples. And people should be mad about this.

    I am very sorry for your loss and wish you much comfort. No one fully understands what this feels like until they are there.

  5. Heather says:

    My condolences to your and your family, Fred…

  6. geri says:

    Hi Fred so sorry to hear abut your DAD, ( i personally do not like the term OLD MAN) he is so much more than that. any way, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. You did your best and your dad did his best and our Creator, evidently wanted him back home.

    Hugs,

    Geri

  7. Cindy says:

    Frederic,
    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Know that our thoughts are with you during this time.

  8. Emilio Montemayor says:

    Fred,
    I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my mom too after almost a year on 811 on 2006. I felt so sad, it was a hard loss for me, but I and my family have never looked back on healthy eating, and we keep being healthy eaters, vegans or raw vegans as a family, sometimes with our differences on many things.

    I’ll keep spreading the work of Doug here in Mexico, with whom I’ve studied and worked since 2005, and i’ll keep buying your products to be updated about your top of the line knowledge. Just like with Haeske, Klein, my dear friend Harley, and others. Keep the good work and shining.

  9. Chris says:

    I am very sorry to hear of the passing of your dear dad. I’m sure you did your best trying to help him. . . but he likely wouldn’t hear what you had to say. Many – - or most – - can’t or won’t.

    Don’t be hard on yourself.. you did the best you could, as did he.

    In my 27 years of being vegan. . and many years raw now.. only 1 person changed their diet after meeting me. Sadly I attended many wakes and funerals of people who were very sick. All passed because they would not and could not make the changes necessary to improve their health.

    We all lose parents, friends, relatives.. no one escapes without the passing of someone dear to them. Still, its always difficult and we never quite understand and have a difficult time imagining life without them.

    You will always have warm memories of him… and your time together with him. I hope those memories will help you thru these very difficult days.

    Please accept my most sincere condolences.. to you and all your family.

    I’m truly sorry to hear of your loss.

  10. Sydney says:

    So sorry for your loss Frederic. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  11. Sharon says:

    I am sorry to hear about your dad passing. Praise God that it was the way he wanted it to be without pain and suffering. My dad is 79 and I hate to think of the day that he will no longer be here. I try to say things to him about what he eats but he has only made minor changes. You and your family will be in my prayers as you grieve for the loss of your dad. God bless you for your work and dedication.

  12. Iulian says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. God rest your father in peace, Fred …

  13. Patrick B. says:

    Toutes mes condoléances Fred… Prend soin de toi et à bientôt!

  14. Sarma says:

    Thank you for sharing your loss, Frederic, and your immediate thoughts as well – many of us right now are rethinking how we will share about healthy living with the people we love. Most important tho, seems to be the love that is shared – your Dad loved and supported you, you loved him, and you both knew it – bottom line, there’s nothing better. My thoughts and prayers are with you; may your days and hours be filled with loving memories of your times together. May he rest in peace and may you be peace-ful.

  15. Mark says:

    Frederic, my deepest condolences to you and your family, our thoughts and prayers are with you. I share your feeling that nothing you could have said or done would of helped. There have been many relatives in my family that have passed early and although it’s hard to sit by and watch, knowing that you’ve done the best you can brings peace.

  16. Amalia says:

    My sincere condolences to you and your family. i am touched that you are able to share all of this with us and I hope that even during this difficult time you will find joy in the community of like-minded people you have drawn to you through your work.

  17. Aurelija says:

    Dear Fred, I’m very sorry for your loss, it’s unimaginably hard to lose someone you love…

  18. Fiona says:

    Sorry to hear of your sad news. The pain of loss is intense and one we must all experience sadly.
    Thank You for sharing so we may support you.
    Wishing you peace and comfort.

  19. Sandi says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing. I could really relate to what you said about trying to get him to eat healthier and quit smoking, etc. When people find out that I try to keep my diet mostly raw, fresh fruits and vegetables I get mixed reactions. Unfortunately, those closest to me are the ones who give the most negative responses….”I could never do that”…”You have to eat meat and dairy for your protein and calcium”….”I don’t like vegetables”….”I can’t give up my steaks”…the list goes on. I don’t like to push my way of eating on them but at the same time they are the ones I want to help the most. It’s a difficult situation to be in to say the least.

    Again, my condolences and comfort to you and your family.

  20. Emily says:

    Frederic, I am new to your program, and so sad for your loss. Life is fleeting, and you are so right that we must live it the best we can! Your dad was very lucky to have such a wonderful, loving son who loved him for the wonderful, very human man he was.

  21. Marie-Line says:

    Bonjour Frédéric,

    Je te prie de recevoir mes sincères condoléances. Le temps est le seul à pouvoir nous consoler dans ces moments difficiles

    Il est vrai qu’on ne peut changer les gens s’ils ne veulent pas eux-mêmes.
    J’ai arrêter de fumer il y a près de 30 ans maintenant, et j’en suis très heureuse. Depuis 2 ans, j’essaie de faire la transition pour devenir crudivore.
    Ce n’est pas toujours facile mais je ne lâche pas. Lorsque ma petite-fille vient me visiter lors faire des smoothies avec moi et nous avons beaucoup de plairir à faire tes recettes

  22. Doris Dejwakh says:

    Frederic, je voulais d’abord te donner mes sinceres condoleances, du fond de coeur; j’ai grand sympathie, car mon frere vient de deceder, moi de mars, d’une crise cardiac, a l’age de 62 ans. Il a un an de plus que moi. Il etait en train de jouer au golf, mine de rien, et sur le terrain de golf il s’est effondre soudainement et est mort avant que l’ambulance n’arrive. Il vivait a Reno, au Nevada. Nous sommes americains, mais j’ai fait plus de 20 ans au Niger et dans d’autres pays francophones d’Afrique, apres avoir fait mes etudes en Californie, specialisees en langue et litterature francaises. Encore, mes condoleances pour ton pere. Doris

  23. Michelle says:

    Frederic~

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad!! My dad also died at 63 from “heart problems”!! I know what it is like to share information with family members about health and pretty much get laughed at!! I have come to the conclusion that people have to want to change, otherwise it just doesn’t happen!! Thinking of you!!

  24. Katie says:

    Fred,
    I don’t usually comment, but wanted to today. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you are able to let go of the regret – you gave your father your message and he made his own choices. Thank you for your work!

  25. Pam says:

    OH, Frederic – I am so, so sorry for your loss! It has not been that long since I lost my mother and she never “got it” about the raw food diet, or anything close. She continued to eat poorly and smoke, and then passed away at 78 from cancer, which had invaded her upper body and lastly, her brain. I am glad she lived as long as she did, but oh, my, how I miss her and her smell (funny how smells linger – I have her clothes and enjoy her fragrance – still- it is very comforting)!

    My heart goes out to you and I pray that “the God of all comfort”, Father God, will now bring you all the comfort you need, dear Frederic’. Please, take all the time you need to take care of yourself now. You are loved, Frederic’! God bless you!

  26. karen says:

    Ah Frederic,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, I could feel the emotion in your post.
    Take time to greive and recover and hope to hear from you via you’re blog posts soon.

    Karen

  27. Phil Bolsta says:

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family, Frederic. I’m glad you realize that there is nothing more you could have done to get your dad on a healthier path. As you know, it is easier to change someone’s religion than their diet. Still, that doesn’t make this any easier to accept or to deal with. Pain and grief demand their due and my thoughts are with you as you deal with the loss of your beloved father.

  28. Terry in the Keys says:

    Fred, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. It was a true blessing that you were able to spend quality time with him recently and that he didn’t suffer. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Terry

  29. So sorry to hear about your Dad.. thinking of you at this very sad time. I echo all that has been said. I wish you and your family peace and healing.

  30. CATHY says:

    Im very sorry to here this news ,i fully understand what you feel ,my dad passed in 2004 nov, with a heart attack ,he would not listen at all,
    its very sad ,but be comforted.. it was the right time..

    Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 (King James Version)

    Ecclesiastes 3
    1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

    2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

    3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

  31. Patty says:

    Hi Frederick- My prayers go out to you and your family. May God surround you all with his love and fill you with peace. -Patty

  32. Chris says:

    Frederic,

    I’m so sorry that you have lost your Papa! My heart is glad though that it sounds as if you had a good relationship with him and were able to enjoy time together so recently. I have very much the same experience with my parents, they could be so much more healthy, some of the things that trouble them could be gone, they could feel 40′s instead of 70′s but I can’t force them. My father also smokes and I wish I could zap him and make the desire leave him! It is already affecting his breathing quite a bit (COPD). Other than that he is fit and trim, but he can’t breathe, imagine the quality of life improvement just from quitting smoking alone!

    From your post, it sounds like you are handling things in the right way and being pragmatic about the whole thing. My hope for you is that you will hang onto that and not let yourself start second guessing everything. You are helping many people and I bet your Dad was proud of that. He passed as he wished and in many ways there is not much more a person can ask for.

    Be kind to yourself!

    Chris

  33. rei says:

    My sympathies for the loss of your father.
    Take it easy.
    Reina

  34. wendy says:

    I think that it says a lot about your you as a person that in the face of a challenging time, you are using this as an opportunity to help other people. I am not alone in offering you and your family my kindest wishes.

  35. Erik says:

    My condolences to you and your family, Frederic. I wish you peace.

    Please do not feel guilty for not doing more for your dad. You did the best you could. Ultimately, people need to decide for themselves when it comes to their health. As you poiinted out, some people are more solidified in their ways than others. My wife and I face the same situation when it comes to our parents and their food choices. Although, due to our example, they have gotten better.

    All any of us can do is be the best example that we can. Think of the many, many people you have helped through your work (including my wife and I who were already raw vegans but gave up all oils and cut down on plant fats after reading one of your books).

    Once again, I wish you peace and thank you for spreading the word about the link between diet and health.

    Best,
    Erik

  36. Patty says:

    I lost my mother to cancer at 64 and 4 months later, my 44 year old sister died from cancer – and we didn’t even know she was sick. It has been 10 years and the pain is as if it was yesterday. Although it sparked me to go on a “healthy living prevention of disease” lifestyle, not everyone (friends AND family) wants to make that decision. I feel your hurt, and understand the “bewildered” feeling that comes with this type of loss. Could you have done more? What if? etc. You did everything right. All is, and was perfect. You know that had he wanted to change, he would have. Had he asked, you would have helped. Rather, you loved him for who he was. Loss like this sucks.

    Be grateful for the last visit, and the joyous time you had. Your father lived his life to his satisfaction, and what a joy to know that the last visit was fun and enjoyable – him living his life his way – and you living yours. Your dad was a great man, because it is all alive in you – and look at all the good you provide!

    God bless all of your family and my sincere condolences to all.

  37. Hi Frederic,

    First off, I would like to let you know that your entire family is in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I send my condolences. Take all the time you need as you process all that is going on. Please do not burden yourself with guilt as I too believe some people just want to do what they do and they don’t seem to care about what they eat or put into their bodies…yet, they are the first to complain when they are sitting at home with an oxygen mask or saying “why me”. My Dad just turned 80 and he finally quit smoking when he got the oxygen tank and mask! He has COPD, HBP, High cholesterol, extremely crippled hands from rheumatoid arthritis (yet he still manages to shove the food in) etc…is on 28 pills a day and he still doesn’t get that the food he is eating is killing him. He could break the guinness book of world records for most inpatient visits to the hospital and Emergency Room and has had 2 heart attacks and a part of his lung removed. I have tried and tried to get him to eat better and make his food and bring it over and shop for healthy stuff but as soon as I leave, he orders take-out. I recently told him that I can’t do it anymore…I can’t watch him slowly kill himself and then put myself at his beck and call because he can’t care for himself. I got him home care, visit him and call often…but I no longer try to get him to change, I try not to judge and I continue to love him just as he is. It’s all I can do as it was stressing me out worrying. At least you and I both know that we did intervene and we did try and we have to be at peace with that. I believe that God takes us when he needs us and sometimes we can’t control when that will be. We can all continue to eat as healthy as possible and be killed in a car accident. Only God knows when. Please be easy on yourself and know that you were an amazing son, I can tell because I see all that you do for others and you are a genuine and caring man. Honor your Dad by continuing to follow your passion and living your best life. Take care Frederic and I genuinely hope that you find the peace you deserve. I am sending a great big hug your way right this moment!!

    God Bless You,
    Darlene Knight

  38. Rowina says:

    Hello Frederic,

    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I believe we all feel for you very strongly. After all, we all have or had a dad.

    We can count us so fortunate to know about and believe in the raw food lifestyle/ Law of Nature and should never be discouraged to spread the message by being a very good example. I believe that is exactly what you have done and am sure that you could not have done any better. But after all, we all take responsibility for our own lives and so does your dad. I strongly believe that trying to persuade people is not the way forward. It is being a good example. And that is what you did. Everything else is not within your powers.

    I wish you all the strength in the world to come out of this difficult time in your life still with optimism and happiness.

    All the best for the future, Frederic.

    Rowina

  39. Janice says:

    Sending you much love and light at this time.

  40. Simone says:

    Frederic,
    I am sorry for your loss and inspired by your resolve.
    Simone

  41. Julia Beatty says:

    Dear Fred
    So sorry to hear of your father’s death.
    Its always a shock when one loses a loved one.
    You sound remarkably poised in a time of difficulty.
    Good luck to you.

  42. Louise says:

    Frédéric:

    Mes plus sincères condoléances à toi et ta famille! Le départ d’un être cher nous peine toujours.

    Malheureusement, certaines personnes doivent vivre des expériences souvent fâcheuses avant de bien vouloir changer leurs habitudes de vie et de réaliser que la vie n’en tient qu’à un fil.

    Je te souhaite bon courage durant cette période difficile et mes prières sont avec toi et ta famille.

    Louise
    M

  43. Mary Kay says:

    So sorry to hear this, and we all feel privileged that you wanted to share this with us. My father, also would not listen, and passed away a few years ago. We all probably have relatives that will not listen. It’s so hard isn’t it?

  44. Ali says:

    My deepest sympathies on the loss of your dad.

  45. Julie Samford says:

    I’m so very sorry about your father. I appreciate all the wonderful information I’ve learned from your website and newsletters. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.

  46. Mary says:

    Hi Fred,
    I am sorry for your loss. My Dad died at 74 from heart disease. I was actually mad at him for along time for not taking better care of himself but he left quietly and the way he wanted to. I am not sure if you really could have done much more. Family seems to resist our suggestions even if it is for their own good!

  47. Paige says:

    I am very sorry for the loss of your father. It is very hard to try to change others who are sort of stuck in their ways and it is easy to feel helpless about it because in the end it is that person’s decision. I completely understand.

  48. Roban Bieber says:

    Peace to you and your family during this transition in your lives. Thanks for all the work you do in promoting health to a world that needs this information.

  49. Cher Frederic

    Merci pour tout ton travaille. J’apprecie beaucoup ton presence.
    My condolonces to you :-)

    ps please let us know on your ezine / newsletters when we can get to see you here in Vancouver!

    Navaro Franco, Vancouver

  50. Elizabeth says:

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, Frederic. My heart is with you & your family. We all do the best we can in life & while we may not always touch those closest to us with our message of health we touch many others. You are certainly an inspiration, thank you. My thoughts are with you. xox

  51. Pamela D says:

    You and your family are in my thoughts. It’s been not quite a year since I lost my mother to sudden intestinal problems. She checked into the hospital on Thursday and died Saturday. She wasn’t even 60 years old. I know where you’re coming from wondering if you could have perhaps helped your dad…like you I gave up trying to influence the eating habits of my mom. But I remain convinced that she was not in a place to hear my message. Please open up to the possibility that you and your family will find grace in everything that has happened. Take care.

  52. kristi says:

    So sorry to hear about your loss. I can greatly empathize as I too have just recently lost my father and it sounds like your relationship greatly paralleled my own with my father. I understand what you’re going through right now all too well.

  53. ron smith says:

    Why are people so shocked when a person living a very unhealthy lifestyle dies. It does not matter how close you are to this person.
    All you can do is enjoy the people while they are here. As you get older you will see more and more of your unhealthy eating close friends and relatives die off.

    What I can not understand is how long is many people, eating this way, even make it to your fathers age.

    I know this is going to seem hard but please do not use your personal tragedy to promote your books sales.

  54. Anita says:

    Sorry to hear about your dad. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  55. Gustavo says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss and wish you and your family the very best.
    Greetings from very distant Rosario (Argentina).

  56. Debbie & Rudi says:

    Dear Frederic, our deepest condolences,know that our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family, thankyou for sharing your loss with us, take strength from all of us who are with you during this difficult time!Much love and light!

  57. Judy Hartman says:

    Dear Frederick,
    You are so dear to me. I appreciate so much your pouring yourself through your writings.
    I am so sorry about your father’s passing. I pray that the Holy Spirit will comfort your family and loved ones as He has comforted me in every sorrow.

  58. Josien says:

    Dear Frederic,
    it’s hard to hear your dad passed away so suddenly. My dad is 63 as well. He suffers Alzheimer Desease, which makes him loose his memory slowly. He had been in a job which probably increased his Alzheimer, for he had to work with glues. Many of his colleages died before 50 years. Because he lived very healthy (no smoking, no alcohol and vegetarian in the last years) he is still in a good state of health. So eventhough he looses his memory quickly in the last years, I hope he can still be healthy a long time.

    I wish you the best for this hard time. Take your time and don’t feel quilty about what you should have done more to convince him. You have done the best you could, I guess.

  59. Mark N says:

    Frederic,

    Peace to you and your family. I too feel your pain. I think you handled the situation with wisdom and grace and that we have to trust in something “bigger” in the outcome of all things.

    With my thoughts and prayers, Mark

  60. Joi says:

    So very to hear of the loss of your father. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  61. Ezell says:

    Frederic,

    I was introduced to raw veganism through my wife showing your work and that of Doug Graham. You have and will continue to touch many lives and are here to do so thanks to your father. May he rest in peace and I offer my deepest condolences to you and your family.

    E

  62. Robbie says:

    Dear Frederic,
    Very sorry for your loss of you father.
    So amazing that when we are touched by loss we remember so profoundly what is truly deeply important to us. I love how you wrote about how important it is to “live our lives to the fullest … to live our dreams!”
    I am hesitant to say this as I don’t want to be insensitive … Jesus teaches in his “our father” prayer that it is an error to put the physical ahead of the spiritual. Enjoying, loving, accepting and respecting your dad as you did certainly is putting your dad’s spirit first. It takes a very strong and courageous heart and soul to love someone so fully as they are, even when they make very different choices for their lives than we might for ourselves. Very inspiring … thank you for sharing omething so personal, Robbie

  63. Marie-Eve says:

    mes sympathies for you and your family…

    I understand what you said about giving up on forcing people. We all have free will. But you encouraged me to continue to try to get them info so they can make a better choice :)

  64. Germa, Italy says:

    Dear frederic,
    I’m very sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your family. It’s always to early and it is so definitef , for sure you will miss him a lot. I just lost my mother four months ago , and I feel very sad about that. I understand how you must feel. greetings,
    germa

  65. Nancy says:

    Fred, so sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing. I know it was a shock. I am so glad you got to see him on Sunday and had a great time together.

  66. Faith says:

    I am right there with you, brother. My Godfather passed away on Saturday, 63, of a massive heart attack while doing yard work. We buried him yesterday. I sometimes forget the anguish and pain that is caused to those left on earth when a loved one passes away unexpectedly. I am not sorrowful for the dead, for I know he is at peace. It is more of an earthly, selfish thing..these emotions of guilt, regret and anger. “If only I would have….” or ” I should have done this…” will eat us up inside..worse than the SAD diet! You are right..we have to take care of inside..so watch what your mind is saying at times like these. Let the negative thoughts go. Even though I am healthy I feel this has aged me..emotionally and physically. Through a positive lifestyle we can hopefully bounce back. You have a lot of support right now..lean on them.
    Take Care~

  67. Denise says:

    I am sorry for your lost. I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my mother last October and I also kind of gave up on her at some point. I started feeling a bit guilty, thinking that I should have done more. But then I looked at how I took care of her, in a way that she preferred. People make their own choices and there is nothing we can do about that. Respect means letting people have a bad health if that is their choice. I completely accepted that I had done the best I could. It’s close to mother’s day so I cannot help thinking of her. And I know deeply that she is well, in whaterver form she is in right now. I know your father is in the same place. Happy and long health to you.

  68. Juliano says:

    HI Frederic, I was so sad to hear you tell me of your dad passing away.
    Please dont blame yourself for the fact you dad had a mind of his own. Eating and drinking are So personal aren’t they? Some would sooner ‘eat drink and be merry’ so to speak, than think about food in a ‘too much’ healthy way.
    Like you say, the good thing is that he passed away swiftly without any lingering disease happening which would have been so sad. he got his wish in way :)

    All the best to you Frederic, and I really appreciate all the good work you do. You have helped me so much.

    peace

    Juliano

  69. Julie Kirtley says:

    Fred,
    I just went through the same thing, and lost my father a little over a year ago. It is so very difficult to lose someone that you cherish. I am so happy for you that your relationship with him was good, and that you didn’t have a lot of “unfinished business”. The longer I live this life, I realize that there are only 3 things that are truly impactful upon the lives of others: (1) BE the message, live the message–be an example that inspires others–whether by lifestyle/faith (2) LOVE people and accept them where they’re at and (3) PRAY passionately–do all 3 PASSIONATELY. Hmm, a new idea for a movie “Be, Pray, Love”… I’m praying that God will draw you close to Himself through His dear son Jesus, and that you will be empowered by Him to do the above 3 things, and fulfill the destiny and calling He has on your life–and the ministry of healing he has put in you.

    You and I are so much alike, I think. I’ve been reading your new book “Raw Food Controversies”, and we both tend to really overthink everything, and tend to be over-responsible, and very soft-hearted. I’m praying that God will comfort you deeply, restore your soul, and that you will rest in Him. I believe he will give you comfort, peace, and restore your joy. You are such a blessing, Frederic!

  70. Deborah says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. We can do all we can to spread the word regarding a healthy diet; but the sad truth is it is each person’s decision how to live their life, and if they don’t want to change, they won’t.
    I guess, Frederic, that maybe you can console yourself knowing that there are people who listen, who pay attention to what you say, and you may be saving lives that you’ll no nothing about. I am thankful for what you do, and I”m sure many other people are, too.

    Peace,

  71. Anita says:

    With sympathy, during your time of loss and sorrow. You were a living example, and you can’t do much better than “walking the walk”. Your dad, like so many, chose to do what he enjoyed, probably knowing it would shorten his life.

  72. Bev B. says:

    Frederic,

    I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose the ones we love. They are always with us in our hearts, but somehow their physical presence is missed so much.

    My wish for you and your family is peace.

    Bev B.

  73. Dear Frederic,

    My deepest sympathies to you… I could have written the same post about my dad (61 and living in Montreal too!). I have the same feeling about him and health. I have tried many time to explain to him what I do, but he says it’s too hard, that he could never do it.

    I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you to see him not take care of himself like that… and not even reading your books.

    I wish you to spend some time to remember him with your family.

  74. Jani says:

    I’m sorry for your loss.
    Take care.

  75. Marisa says:

    Frederic, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And I know how difficult it is to try and convince someone you love to change their ways and live healthier. It’s nice to hear that you had such a great relationship with your father, and really that’s the most important part. It’s easy to blame ourselves sometimes when we know that we have information that can help someone to have a longer and more fulfilling life, but remember that people have to want to change for themselves.
    My thoughts and prayers and with you and your family.
    Marisa

  76. Jo says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss Frederic. This happened to me just last year to a very close and dear friend who was 62 when he passed on Jan 2nd 2010. Like an adopted father to me he was and so sad at the time.

    Total disbelief, shock, astonishment and every other feeling/emotion must be siring inside you right now and will do for a time to come. Be with your thoughts, ponder and rejoice in the life lived, the hearts touched and the love shared.

    Thoughts go out to you from many corners of the world that you have touched and I’m sure you’re dad was (and is) mighty proud of all you have achieved.

    Keep your chin up and your heart open. All will be well again for you and your lovely family Im sure.

    Bright blessing be yours

    Jo

  77. Valerie says:

    Hi Frederic.
    I am so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. :-(
    I am praying for you and your family today.

  78. Hanlie says:

    Dear Fred, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

  79. Júlja says:

    Sincere condolences to you and your family! God rest him in peace!

  80. Julie says:

    Frederic, I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. And don’t try to second-guess yourself because there is nothing you could have done to get your dad to stop smoking or to eat healthier. I tried for years with my mom and finally realized that each one of us has to choose for him/her self.

    The important thing is that you loved and respected each other and that is what you’ll remember.

  81. Leila says:

    Dear Frederic,

    My heartfelt sympathies to you & yours. Do take some time off, you’ve deserved it and it is a time for contemplation. Thank you for your continued efforts to keep us on the healthy path.

  82. Cynthia says:

    My prayers and sympathy are with you in this time of need.
    It is very hard to accept the loss of a loved one. Just remember all the good times you had and all the love you shared. Know that your dad loved you.
    I lost my dad at age 66 to cancer and then my mom at 59 to cancer. I tried to change their diets also but they would not listen and continued until they died. It got to the point that they would get mad when I even tried to talk about it to them. Watching them slowly die was horrific. I guess you can not force them to change no matter what you do or say. I also lost 7 other family members in a 4 year span due to cancer. My family won’t even listen to me about a better lifestyle and now we don’t even talk much, they avoid me.

    I guess you just have to accept the fate they choose and love them.

    PEACE AND LOVE BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

  83. Carol says:

    My condolences on the death of your Dad, Frederic. And I so identify with not being able to convince someone to eat healthily. My husband at 66 went through Throat Cancer, probably as a result of being a firemen long before they had to have breathing protection in our area, and still he will not eat fruit and veg, or only a minimal amount, cooked to death. Salads are a definite no-no. I, on the other hand, at 66, diagnosed with Osteoporosis at 50, decided to eat 90% raw, am a runner and love it, have grown so much bone I am now in the Osteopenia category without taking any drugs. We just have to let them go and trust something will wear off on them eventually. I see little signs of this now when I talk of how dangerous something is for you and he agrees so I live in hope that it won’t be too late. Take care

  84. irene says:

    Dear Frederic
    Thank you for sharing from the heart about your father. I really appreciate your heartfelt sharing of your own thoughts and feelings.

    I believe you did the right thing all the way through. You gave him the support to change. He has been given the power by God to run his own life as he sees fit, with his own reasons. Good that you didn’t try to control or change him and that you chose to love and enjoy him as he is. It sounds like you both could do that for each other and that is a precious and sometimes rare gift in families. Huge love there.

    It’s not true for everyone that they should live a long life or that they should live a pain free life. Perhaps your father’s life was exactly how long as it should be. The pain of losing him at 63 and the wish that you could still have him with you is your pain, not his. He’s right on track with his journey. And your pain cannot be alleviated by trying to undo what you did so he could still be here.

    The hardest thing to do is to just surrender to grief and loss and let those feelings move through you without a solution. If you can just allow your grief to be what it is, this is your work. And the comfort of your loving connection is still here, right now, when you open to it. God bless you and your family at this time. I’m sending you my love and support.

    And as for our loved ones, I’m taking the same stance that you took. I’ve stopped trying to teach and convince them because I realized it was pushing and must have been annoying. Now I live my life by example for everyone to see. I share my experience on this fruit & veg raw diet as a person on a path, not as an expert. I report that it is helping and that I’m feeling better and that I seem to have stumbled onto something really good. I share the challenge of the transition. And I bring my meals when I sit with them to eat. They enjoy my canteloupe along with their ham. ok. I notice they have more fruit in their home than they used to. ok. And I remember that before i can save anyone else, I have to save myself. This is my life and it’s been given to me with these challenges. Everyone else has been given the freedom to save themselves too. If I can help, they know I’m here, eager to share. But I think love and kindness does more for healing than any lifestyle can do, if you consider the healing of the soul and heart. This is what we take with us I think. Again, much love to you, your readers, and to all my relations.

  85. Kylie says:

    My thoughts are with you and your family. x

  86. Alfred Nordeide says:

    My sincere condolences to you and your family , Frederic . My father died many years ago from cancer .
    At the funeral I was lucky to sit alone and in quiet for a while at the graveyard , and suddenly I could feel a major physical and spiritual change .
    ı am convinced beyond shadow of doubt , I could feel and experience and could have a meeting with his soul for 10 -15-20 minutes .
    It was a so remarkable experience ı will never forget .
    The body dies , but in my belief the soul is immortal .

  87. Sparrow Rose Jones says:

    Frederic, I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be extra painful, knowing what you know about health and feeling helpless because your father was not the type to take that kind of advice. My thoughts are with you. May you and your family find comfort in this dark time.

    Sparrow

  88. Crystal says:

    Fredrick – I was with my father when he died. It is such a ‘deadening’ experience.
    My youngest son, too, was killed in Montreal.

    What a life.

    Crystal

  89. Marlene says:

    Dear Frederic

    I am so sorry for the loss of your father. It made me feel happy to know that you accepted him just as he was and that your relationship with him was honest and true. Please accept my condolences.

    Marlene

  90. Nadia Sanni-Adam says:

    Fred,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I just want you to know that you have helped and inspired so many, including me. I know this is a difficult time for you, but just know that the work you have done over the years has touched so many lives. Couldn’t be more proud. I know you can get through this. Take all the time you need to heal Fred.
    Nadia

  91. Paul Palmer says:

    Hi Frederic

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I just lost my mother this March 30, the same date I lost my younger brother 8 years ago. My mother lived to age 93, but even so, a loss is always hard to take. I knew my brother was heading for an early death that was preventable. That is the hardest thing, to watch family and friends go that way and yet to love them inspite of the choices they make. I know there are always questions, always some regrets about what we did or didn’t do, but we did the best we knew at the time. Just remember the happy memories and give thanks for the gift of their lives.

    Paul

  92. phillip says:

    Bonjour Frédéric,

    Sachez que je comprend votre chagrin.

    Je sais aussi par expérience que ce sont malheureusement ceux qui nous sont les plus proches qui nous écoute le moins peut-être parce qu’ils n’ont pas eu la même éducation nutritionnelle que nous car j’en fais les frais à chaque jours que ce soit avec mes parents, mon épouse etc …

    je n’ai pas l’honneur de vous connaître mais je vous adresse mes sincères condoléances.

    Sincèrement,

    Phillip

  93. Graciela says:

    I am sorry to hear of your dad’s sudden passing. I wish for you peace and strength as you mourn. May you always be blessed!

  94. Mrs T says:

    Deepest condolences. I am only 4 years away from 63, and I’m so glad that I have listened to people like you, and learned from your example. Don’t ever stop, because you never know who will benefit, even if it’s years down the road.

  95. Enrique says:

    Fred, I’m very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family in these difficult times.

  96. Keith says:

    So sorry for your loss,hope everything works out for the best. Please take care and hope to hear from you soon.

  97. Mike says:

    I am very sorry for your loss. Your books and emails have greatly changed my life and I proudly refer people to your site. While we cannot always help the ones who mean the most to us, please remember that you have helped so many of us!

    Love Always,

  98. Debbie says:

    Dear Frederic, I am so sorry for your loss! I wish you and your family much Peace and Strength in the coming days and months.

    I lost my husband 9 months ago. He was 60 years old. I tried to get him to eat more raw fruits and vegetables with me, but he loved the Food Network and prefered to listen to the cooking experts. He did grow and use a lot of fresh herbs. He quit smoking and drinking and made big improvements to his diet. But his kidneys quit working 5 years ago, and his body couldn’t handle dialysis and other medical interventions anymore.
    I miss him so much and still wonder every day if his outcome would have been different if he had joined me in following a raw food diet. Now my heart aches when I see my brothers and sister and cousins all having medicals problems that I believe could be reversed with a change in diet. But they prefer to take pills and have surgery.

    I encourage everyone who reads your blogs to continue to be living examples to others. Our loved ones may not listen to us, but perhaps they will listen to you. If you show them that a diet of raw fresh fruits, vegetables, seeds and nuts is tasty, satisfying and affordable, perhaps one day they won’t be afraid to give up their processed food.

    God Bless!

  99. dale elizabeth says:

    Hi Fred
    Sorry to hear about your dad.
    My dad grew up in Montreal too. smoking and drinking was the climate, back when.
    My dad is still going strong dispite all the bad habits. I have taken the same route you have and in no-way terms could I tell him the difference.
    We love and respect them anyhow.
    Hope you and your family keep heart, and remember all those funny crazy memories we have to cherish.
    love dale

  100. John says:

    My thoughts are with you in your time of loss.

  101. Helena says:

    So sorry to hear of your great loss. Peace be with you and your family.
    respectfully, Helena

  102. Ilona says:

    Very sorry to hear of your loss… I have parents and siblings who think I’m weird for my diet and lifestyle but I’m the healthy one and they’ve got their various issues which are getting worse as they age. You try to help by educating because you love those people but in the end they are individuals and responsible for their lives as adults. You did your best Fred – you lead by example and offered your knowledge. You are lucky enough to have had a close and caring relationship with your Dad for which it’s obvious from your post that you are grateful. Take comfort in this knowing. As with everyone else who has posted, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time. Sending you and your family love and light.

  103. John says:

    Dear Frederick

    Thank you and my deepest sympathy.

    Love… John

  104. Harriet says:

    Frederic:

    My deepest sympathy for your loss. You help a lot of people. Be kind to yourself.

  105. Larry Hall says:

    Hi Frederic – I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. It goes to show what you teach and preach about a healthy lifestyle is a better way to live. We will remember you and your family in prayer at church this weeks end. Again Frederic, I am very sorry, Larry

  106. I hope you never forget the outpouring of support that technology has allowed us to receive while being connected to people we will never meet. Do not forget that you come into peoples’ spaces and take their time by doing what you do. Be grateful and appreciative. Make it as easy as possible for others to get the health they want.
    I am sorry for your loss. I find it significant at this time to think of your experience sharing such a personal moment.
    Be well,
    April

  107. Dorothy says:

    I pray for your comfort during this difficult time . During this time of reflection, you may realize that the most important thing to our inner health is peace with our maker that is available through Jesus Christ. Each of us has violated God’s perfect law, which puts us in danger of judgement. It is necessary to call out to the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness and to be saved from eternal judgement. Then follow Jesus. None of us are promised tomorrow, healthy or not.

  108. steve says:

    So sorry for your loss. I find those closest to us are often the least likely to hear our suggestions. Although you couldn’t help him care for his health, you help many other people.

  109. Stepanka says:

    Hi Fred. My deepest sympathy for your loss. My father too is the same only he’s decline has been slow and painful. One thing I have learned from it is that it is his journey and not mine and I have learned to respect that.
    Lots of love to you and your family. Stepanka

  110. Lois White says:

    Thank your for sharing your relationship and recent visit with your dad. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

    My son who had just turned 40 had a massive heart attack one day while driving a truck two years ago February and he never drank and was never really sick except for the odd cold. We were going to celebrate his son’s 13th birthday. We kept him alive for 8 days but had to let him go as they took so long to get his heart going and had hard time to keep it going. He was never conscious. They said he had 3 blocked arteries and one of them the aorta was blocked 95%. Checking after into heart attacks, anyone who smokes has double the risk for heart attack.

    I would recommend anyone who smokes to please think about quitting. There are over 4,000 chemicals in a cigarette and 40 of them are knkown to cause cancer. We must stop people from shortening their life and quality of life.

    Wishing you peace knowing you dad will come back in this life a better person knowing you had taught him so much.

    Lois

  111. Sye says:

    Hello Frederic.

    Sorry to hear about your Dad. You are a good person and I enjoy reading the information you put out. I lost my Dad at 69 several years ago to heart issues. It’s hard to find words to console. The thing that gives me the most comfort when thinking about my Dad it that I loved him and he knew it. Sounds like You and your Dad had a good relationship as well. May God’s blessings and comfort be with you.

    Sye

  112. Sharyn says:

    Frederic, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. You seem to be handling it very well. I hope you do take all the time you need to cope with this terrible loss. It can be heartbreaking to see our loved ones be so closed minded to improvements in their health. Addictions are so difficult to overcome sometimes, sadly. May God continue to bless you in your health ministry.

  113. Dear Frederic,
    What a shock to the system, eh? I feel for you, and know somewhat you are going through, as I lost my mom at 56. I wish that I knew then what I know now.
    Bless you and your family.

    With Love,
    Kathleen

  114. Jane says:

    Fred,

    My deepest sympathy to you on the loss of your father. It really struck a chord, as I had the exactly the same experience with my own dad many years ago. He died unexpectedly of a heart attack in his sleep at I think the exact same age as your dad, only a few days after we had hiked to the top of a mountain pass in the beautiful Colorado mountains. I had talked to him about health and diet, but he loved his ice cream after dinner, his cold cuts, meat, etc. etc. I know now that you cannot change a person, they have to want to change themselves. So you just love them exactly the way they are.

    Like you, I am very grateful that he lived his life as a fully functioning human being right up to the end, and didn’t linger for years on end in the hospital or sick, like so many people. He went the best way he could have, and from what you wrote, I think you feel the same way. In a strange way, they are the lucky ones.

    It’s still a terrible loss when you lose a parent (I lost my mom last year). When they’re alive it seems like they will always be there! But they come to you in dreams and in other ways, so you know they’re still with you, just on another level.

    Again, my deepest sympathy.

    Jane

  115. sharyn says:

    Dear Frederic,

    So sorry to hear about your Dad – it is a really tough time when a parent dies, working through all the feelings which arise.

    I know you will find the blessing in it, perhaps as added impetus and passion to continue with your wonderful work.

    I have learned so much from you, as have many, many others. I’m sure from the perspective he has now, your Dad can see the amazing value of what you do and is very, very proud of you. he will send you strength for the rest of your days.

    With love,

    Sharyn xx

  116. Christine says:

    Dear Frederic,

    Condolences on the sudden passing of your Dad at 63. I can’t imagine the pain and heartaches of losing a parent at that age, as both of my parents are over 63, and I thank God every day that they are alive and still with us.

    You did the best you could with trying to convince your Dad of the importance of a healthy diet and lifestyle but unfortunately sometimes parents and family are the least receptive of our good advice and intentions. That is good you have many loving memories of the wonderful times you shared together.

    I pray that God will comfort you and yours in this time of grief and sorrow.

    Sincerely,
    Christine

  117. Sandy says:

    Frederic, I am so sorry to hear of your sudden loss. I just started teaching vegan cooking classes to non-vegan students in addition to running my full time business just because I am trying so hard to get this message across!
    The response has been overwhelming and my classes are way too full for me but I want so badly to educate those who show the slightest interest. The work you are doing is educating so many others, please know that you ARE making a difference!

  118. Leonie says:

    I too am sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing,and wish you and your family Peace and Healing.
    I do believe it was a blessing to be with your Dad at his Last Supper,a time for bonding,and being together is what counts and was much appriciated I am sure.
    It thrills me to know you started your passion for the Raw Living lifestyle so early in your life.Was it a blessed omen in disguise? I hope so.Thanks for being our inspiration and sharing your grief with us.We are your caring extended family.

  119. Vanessa Henshaw says:

    It’s so hard to find the line between giving advice, and pushing our beliefs onto others. I’m sure you shared & loved with your Dad….Thank you for sharing…..hang in there. This too shall pass….xo

  120. Guylaine says:

    Frederic,
    You have all my sympathies. It is very sad. I know how you feel. I lost my dad too and I couldn’t save him. You did your best.
    You may not save your dad but do help many others.
    Sincerely,
    Guylaine

  121. Deborah Martin says:

    Dear Frederic,

    so very sorry for your loss…my heart really goes out to you..I fully understand your position………my Mum is going to have heart surgery very soon….and it has been very difficult to not try to influence her with regards to her smoking etc ………but I also have had to give up on suggesting she eat more raw etc…….

    very best wishes

    Deborah

  122. Nell says:

    Dear Frederic,
    I am so sorry to hear of your father’s death. Please take care of yourself during this time of grief and adjustment .
    Thank you for sharing this deeply personal part of your life, and thank you for the work you have done for health. ( I have been following your work since the late ’90′s!) I know it is so hard when you can’t save the ones you love the most. But sometimes it is that way, and trying to help or open people before they are ready can create tension in the relationship.How wonderful it is that you had that happy time with him, and that you were able to let him be who he was and love him that way. That is real love, and I am sure that meant the world to him.
    Love,
    Nell

  123. Julian (Juju) says:

    I pray that the love of God comforts you and your family in this your time on the passing of your father. I completely understand your sentiments of trying your hardest to talk and encourage loved ones to live a healthy life style, i have similar incidents of it; but what we can feel comforted in knowing is that you would have tried your best in doing so. It is really a matter of their choice to understand and appreciate the information presented to them, all we can do is try. Continue in your work, some of us are still taking this journey one day at a time, your encouragement and info is really an inspiration to most of us. May you continue to be encouraged and bless. With lots of love coming from the Bahamas.

  124. Sharon says:

    So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did your best with suggestions for your father. Sometimes they do not want to hear it. He may have thought by changing some things that that would help him.

    Again, my sympathies to you and your family.

    Blessings,
    Sharon

  125. k legette says:

    I never post for this kind of thing but I lost my dad October5th 2010 and I know how it feels to try and help someone you love and then to lose them and question yourself did I do enough . The truth is you can’t save everybody not even your parents. I know you loved your dad as so did I love mine but don’t question yourself allow yourself to mourn and grieve some days will be better than others you may even find yourself eating crazy things just treasure the times you had together and know that he is not gone it was just time for him to go on to his next dimension

  126. Linda W says:

    Dear Frederic,

    My heart goes out to you & your family over the death of your Dad. I started to cry at work when I initially read your post, because my Mom also died on May 5th (but in 1971, just before I graduated high school), then my Dad 6 yrs & 2 days later.
    You are so blessed to have the happy time with him during your recent visit & especially on Sunday. That should be the memory you hold & cherish in your heart…not the “I should have done more…”.
    Please know that your post has also touched me & reminded me that today, not tomorrow, is the day to make significant changes in my lifestyle to be more healthy.
    Thank you for sharing. You don’t mentioned your Mom, I hope she is still with you and if so, my heart & prayers go out to her as well. Take care of yourself & your family. We love & appreciate you & your dedication to improving the health of the world one person at a time.

  127. Dawn says:

    Frederic, I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost both parents a sister, a niece and two brothers-in-law due to health issues. Two of my other sisters have already had strokes and the one sister had heart failure before 55 years old. This is primarily why I follow mostly a plant based diet and eat a large amount of raw food. I appreciate your fantastic books and videos, etc. My health has improved so much since I started mostly vegan 6 years ago.

  128. LO LAMENTO MUCHO, AMIGO.
    I’m really sorry, friend

    We can not force our loved ones to become aware of their health. All we can do is lead by example, so that they may someday decide to follow.

    A hug of your friend from Gran Canaria.

  129. yamina says:

    Cher Frédéric,
    Toutes mes sincères condoléances pour cette triste nouvelle. Ne regrettez rien surtout, ne vous en voulez pas. Ainsi qu’il est dit dans notre religion, nul n’est en pouvoir ni d’avancer ni de reculer ne serait-ce que d’une minute, l’heure de sa fin, ni d’ajouter ou de retrancher le temps de vie des autres. L

  130. Suzan says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. It’s so very hard to loose a parent so sudden and unexpectedly and still so young.

    Teaching, advise and living by setting example can be an effective influence, but only goes so far. It is up to each individual to want to better and protect and cherish their life by taking care of it wholistically.

    I feel your sorrow.

  131. vadim says:

    It’s hard to loose your father, so be strong.
    His mission ended so he had to go back, he is better there don’t worry :)
    Anyway you will feel his presence for a while until be’ll be back home.

  132. Bronwen says:

    My sympathies Frederic. I will hold you in my prayers.

  133. Reece says:

    Fred, my heart felt sympathy goes out to you and your family at this time of great loss.

  134. Reece says:

    My heart felt sympathy goes out to you and your family at this time of great loss.

  135. Alex says:

    Sorry about the loss of your dad. Mine just passed in April. He said he once tried a detox but was in the bathroom all day and never wanted to try that again. My prayers are with you during this time. I’m sure you did the best you could whenever you talked to him. My mom is still living but just ignores what I say about improving health — I myself have been struggling for so long so I know how hard it is when the rest of the world is pushing junk food at us every minute– the grocery stores, fast food places, friends and relatives homes, everyone is all about chemical laden, colored-dyed, dead food. Even my homeschool groups and church, who SHOULD know better continue to serve this kind of “food” week after week. If we could teach the parents of very young children, if we teach the doctors and nurses, we might be able to change things, but now it seems that nobody really cares enough to change their lifestyles, even when they get sick! Thank you for doing what you do — you are an encouragement to the rest of us!

  136. Zeynep says:

    Hello Frederic, I’m very sorry about your dad. My dad also was smoking a lot and I sometimes regret that I didn’t do enough for his health. Thank you for your sincere sharing and of course for all the knowledge you gave us until now.
    All the best
    Zeynep

  137. Steve says:

    I’m sorry about your dad..my dad wont listen to certain nutrition info either..My condolences

    Steve

  138. Keithe says:

    Frederic: I am so sorry to hear about your father’s death. I can totally relate when it comes to the fact that you tried to counsel him on health and diet. I have tried that with friends and coworkers in the past. Most of them did not want to change their eating habits. They did not want to feel deprived. It is really sad today that so many people do not even know what GOOD food is anymore. All they want is junk food! All I see are overweight kids these days. I also see more young people smoking. That really surprises me!! Personally, I don’t care if I live a really long life, BUT I watch my diet and exercise because I want the best quality of life I can manage. Take care and take time to go through the grieving process.

  139. toni says:

    Hello Frederic, I’m very sorry about your dad.My condolences
    May God fill the void with his love and light.

  140. Nada says:

    Frederic my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your father may not have shared your passion for excellent health through a raw food lifestyle but it is apparent that he loved you dearly. As you are a strongly creative independent person it seems as your father was also this way. Love is about accepting people for who they are and enjoying the connections we have with them. I am a person who has been following your site for some time. I know that your information is important and although I have not started the change I am getting there. Thank you so much for your passion and information and care you put into your business and your life. Your information is having an impact on me and I know that I am ready for the changeover. Thank you Frederic and God bless you.

  141. Yan says:

    Dear Frederic:
    I am so sorry for your loss! most sincere condolences to you and your family.
    You sincere words on this sad news touched me so much. As a new vegan, and who try to shift to raw food, I will try my best, for myself and all those I love and love me….

  142. S. Newton says:

    Frederic, my sincerest sympathies and prayers are with you and your family. My own father is very dear to my heart so this really hit home. I am so glad you were recently able to enjoy one last Sunday with your father and that your last memory is (of) seeing him so happy. That memory, and the fact that you two enjoyed a wonderful relationship, is so important.

    I will definitely take your advice about continuing to keep my loved ones informed about health and nutrition. God bless you and your family. He will grant you the spirit of peace and comfort you need to carry you through.

  143. Nancy says:

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad passing. I hope you and your family can find peace . warmly, Nancy

  144. So sorry to hear of your loss, Fred.

    I lost my mom at age 56 and dad at age 62…both smokers and SAD eaters, both smokers.

    It’s easy to fall into the trap of “If only I had found the right words to change them” Truth is, you’ve influenced so many lives for the better. The sad truth is your message can’t help those who are unwilling to be helped. I’ve frequently felt guilty that my message couldn’t save my parents.

    Rest assured that there was nothing you could have done differently to influence your Dad’s choices. Your dedication to spreading the message of health has saved other people’s parents, children, countless individuals across the globe and saved many lives.

    I feel your pain, as I have been there twice already and my heart goes out to you with deepest condolences.

    Love to you and your family

    Ritamarie

    drritamarie.com

  145. Aileen says:

    Frederic, I’m sorry about the sudden loss of your father. My prayers are with you and your family. I pray God, Creator of the universe, will comfort you and draw you closer to Him so that you will understand His truth and how much He loves you and wants to be your heavenly Father. I pray you would understand the plan of salvation through believing in Jesus Christ and placing your trust in Him. God has been using you to teach me how to live a more healthy life so I can serve Him and for that I am grateful.

  146. sylvie says:

    mes sympathies , on ne peut changer les autres juste leur suggérer comme tu as fait et l attrait suffit quand les gens le désirent vraiment. Chaque personne a un chemin différent. bon courage !!

  147. Diana says:

    So sad that your dad has died. Last year, my dad almost died. He will be 80 years old and now is in great health – he survived an illness that not even adults in their 30s or 40s would normally survived. I am very particular about what I eat, and I look several years younger than my real age. But genetics are 50% of what will happen to you later in life. I have friends who had relatives that were vegans or eat the right things, took care of themselves and they still dropped death from massive heart attacks. In fact, my friend’s brother dropped death at the age of 54 from a massive heart attack while riding his bike. He was a vegan and rode his bike to work everyday. My grandmother died when she was almost 100 years old and smoked everyday of her life. Although, I do not recommend that people live an unhealthy life, at the end of the day, it is my belief that if they are happy with their life and the way they live -so be it. All my grandparents and great uncles lived to be over 90 years old. If you have parents that are over 70 years old, rejoice and let them know how much you love them. If they are over 80 years old, they just surpassed the average lifespan. So let them eat, drink, and live their lives the way they want to. They have survived and made it to that age without your help.

  148. oscar says:

    Receive my sympathy and empathy for such a sad news. though hard to take remember that those of us you send your rich information to are always there for you. I hope he who gave such a parent will also replace him with that which you will never forget. My condolences.

  149. Apple-Man says:

    I’m sorry for your loss, Fred. It’s never easy losing family.

  150. micki says:

    Bless you Frederick, you will be in our thoughts and prayers. This is never an easy thing to go through. I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and know that you are not alone.

  151. Linda says:

    Dear Frederic,
    Sorry for your loss. I know he will be missed very much. My dad has been gone for 7 years now.

  152. barbara says:

    Dear Frederic
    So sorry to hear about the sudden passing of your father.
    Regards Barbara

  153. Christopher Paulin says:

    Je vous donne toutes mes condoléances. Ma mère est morte en 2007 du cancer. Elle aussi ne prenait pas une alimentation saine, selon moi. Donc, je vous comprends complètement.

  154. Bela says:

    Hello frederic, I am so sorry for the loss you suffered. Death at any age is shocking and especially at such an young age. I pray that God gives you the courage to bear the loss and his soul rest in peace.

  155. Nanette says:

    My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family, Frederic. May you all find the comfort you need during this time. Nanette

  156. rosalie says:

    I’m sorry for your loss, Fred. Please accept my deepest condolences for you and your family. It’s very difficult to see someone you love pass away. I have just lost a sister last year. She was only 48 years old. I regretted & felt hopeless for not trying harder to send my msg to her. I missed her so much.

    Take care of yourself & your family.

    From Malaysia,
    Rosalie

  157. Elaine says:

    I am so sorry. What a gift it was that you got to see him just before he passed. Though I know “one more day” will never be enough.

    Thank you for sharing your health education experiences with us. I only recently realized that there was nothing more I could do to get my parents to stop smoking. I’m thirty, and one of my earliest memories is of throwing their cigarettes in the trash. Not even my own health – the fact that I have asthma and will get bronchitis when around cigarette smoke – swayed them.

    The addiction is too strong, and hijacks an otherwise logical and compassionate person’s mind when the addiction itself is threatened. (And the addiction can be to cigarettes, alcohol, otc meds, and even animal products.)

    I am sad that not even having someone like you as a son could change someone’s mind, but also somewhat relieved to hear that I am not the only “failure” out there (and I went to grad school for clinical psychology).

    Being more and more passionate about something is not enough to change someone else – all it will do is burn you out.

    And, it’s a numbers game. You didn’t change the one person you most hoped to, but you’ve changed the minds and lives of many, many others. Peace.

  158. Elaine says:

    Oh, and as a follow-up to my original comment:

    Not only could you not have changed him, your relationship was probably BETTER when you stopped trying. His final years with you were centered on love, and not tension and criticism – you made the right choice.

  159. Amanda says:

    Praying for you and yours during this time of loss and adjustment.

    Amanda

  160. Lisa T says:

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I will certainly take the time to talk to my family about how important it is to take care of yourself (and follow some of that advice myself). I hope you are able to enjoy the quality time you will have with your family.

  161. Kristina says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss, stay strong, prayers and blessings your way

  162. Debbie says:

    Dear Frederic,

    I wish to express my sincere and deepest sympathy for the loss of your father. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your knowledge and your experiences.

    Bests,
    Debbie

  163. Frances says:

    Dear Frederic,

    My deepest condolences to you and your family on your loss! Words just don’t do at these times. Sending a big cyber hug to you.

    In sympathy,

    Frances

  164. Nicole says:

    Mes condoleances Frederic. It is always hard to loose our parents, it is a world gone and it is too late to say all the things we could have, it is the nature of this life I am afraid and it is one of the reasons why us rawfoodists and hygienists are trying to convey this message about lengthening of life that could achieve as an effect in particular to minimise those painful moments and give some hope for future generations that the nature of life could be different if we open our minds and dont stay stuck in the old patterns.
    Continuous change is the message, I think.

  165. Moira says:

    My condolences on your loss. It’s always difficult to lose a family member at any age.

    My father is in his early 80′s and over the past few years has had several strokes – some severe, others small, and is now surviving in a care home not able to feed, bathe, dress or even go to the bathroom by himself. We sometimes focus on death, but living (or barely existing) for years in a high-level care situation isn’t something I’d wish for myself or anyone else either – when it comes, death for my father will be a relief for our entire family. I’m certain that his lifelong diet of “healthy” farm fare – meat & potatoes, gravy & white bread, plus dessert (canned fruit at best, gooey sugary baking at worst) for almost every meal certainly didn’t help. As with your father, however, he wouldn’t have listened to me about healthier choices.

    I’m thankful that I was able to learn about a better way to live through your materials – you ARE making a difference for many people. My adult son has given up meat and eats great quantities of fruit, though he hasn’t yet made the transition to raw – simply by observing the changes in my life, and in his when he eats healthier – not by my efforts to convince him. Never forget that your work is immeasurably valuable.

    That said, please take all the time you need to grieve, heal, treasure memories and be there for your family.

  166. Gelin says:

    Sorry for the loss…no matter what we do to extend our lives, keep ourselves healthy, if it’s our time then it’s our time to leave this earth. There’s nothing we can do to change that.

  167. Linda says:

    Dear Fred, So sorry for your loss! Know that he is with God.You will miss him terribly but time gives us understanding.We are responsible for our own lives no one else’s.

  168. Sheela says:

    My condolences for your lost. I have lost my mother and although the pain gets better as time goes on it never completely goes away.

    God bless you.
    Sheela

  169. Georgina says:

    Hi there, this is something we all have to face some day. It liesin my future experiance and I do have nightmares about it. I hear what you say about trying to make that difference wish I could help my Mum, doing my best but in truth she knows it and i KNOW IT SHE’S GOTTA WANT TO DO IT HERSELF TOO. I will keep on trying with out forcing.

    But hey, much much sympathy and love to you at this time.
    Enjoy the time you will now spend with familly and friends while you revisit your roots (probably revisiting on many levels as something like this does tend to bring you deep inside yourself ….)
    I’ll be quiet now.
    Here’s to everything to come, everything you’ll share and teach and tom the many people you will inspire.
    To health happiness and vitality in our world.
    Georgie xx

  170. Josephine Gioria says:

    Dear Fred,
    Sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. My condolances. He got his wish but it is hard on the family when a loved one dies without warning. May God hold you and your family in his arms during this time.
    Bless you
    Jo
    Ettalong, NSW

  171. Marianna says:

    So sorry for your loss, Fred. Always remember the love you shared and all the good times.

    warmest regards,
    Marianna

  172. prasad says:

    Really sad news, sorry to hear. Wish you and your family strength in this time of need. Take care, and keep up the great work you are doing.

  173. Cynthia says:

    Dear Fred– so sorry to hear of your father’s passing. I want you to know (as many others have stated) how inspiring and influential you have been in our family’s lives… my husband and I are in your father’s generation (over 60) and are thankful for having listened to what our son had to share about the benefits of veganism and a raw vegan lifestyle. Don’t give up on your parents, and congruently, don’t take on all the responsibility for the choices they make in their lives. I agree that a loving relationship is of the greatest value and you are blessed to have enjoyed a loving relationship with your Dad. You and your family are in our prayers. God bless you, Cynthia

  174. Rob How says:

    I’m really sorry to hear about the loss of your dad Fred. I pray that God will be a great source of comfort to you and your family at this time.

    Rob

  175. Panda says:

    I am so sorry about your Dad. My Dad had to have open heart surgery a few years ago and has drastically changed his diet, but he still eats meat and processed foods, which I am not happy about. The only reason he went in to have a stress test is because my Mom forced him to – he had no symptoms or anything, so if she had not been so persistent he would not be with us now because he had a full blockage on one side. I think what you are sharing about health and wellness is a blessing, and I hope that you continue to do so. I wish for you that more people will open their hearts and minds and listen to what you have to say. My thoughts are with your family during this time.

  176. Kelly says:

    My condolences on the loss of your Dad, Fred. What I have learned in this life is that we can only take care of ourselves, and in so doing, yes, lead by example as you say (even if that leading doesn’t catch on with the other person). At that, we need to detach with love, recognizing that the other person is just not where we are, and may never be (in this case, certainly in this lifetime). I’m also reminded that sometimes we want more for the other person than perhaps they want for themselves–they make their choices and we must respect that. May you continue to lead by example and live your best life in the process! Thank you for sharing a most poignant story that many of us may live with people in our lives.

  177. Frederic Patenaude says:

    Thank you so much to everybody who left comments and everybody who sent their positive thoughts. Your kind words are deeply appreciated.

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